It's been a long time

I've decided to try this again, since God has been working in my life so much lately. I'm learning what it means to be a true disciple, to give up my fleshly desires to seek the Kingdom of God.
Sometimes God gives opportunities to start fresh. Not by seeking them out, because maybe that would mean running. I felt His whisper in my heart to start back at my roots, as He so often does with His children.
In Revelation 2:4-5, God speaks to the church of Ephesus and rebukes them for leaving their first love:
Jesus.
This means that since their salvation, they have neglected and forgotten the things of God, and naturally, God wants them (and us) to repent, and remember those wonderful works He's done. To remember the joy we felt at salvation, to remember the relief we felt after He provided a need. To remember our love for Him.

Since being married and becoming part of Lakeside Baptist church, God has used circumstances, people, and His word, to convict and change my heart.

I'm immensely grateful for my Husband. He's patient with my shortcomings, knowing that even being aware of things I'm trying to fix, I cannot change overnight. The process to Christlikeness is lifelong, but to God, it is only a wink in time. My beloved Husband, to me, has very little flaws; he's loving, he spoils me, he has a strong sense of right and wrong, and his heart for God melts mine, and adds to my desire to know God. Although marriage is not for everyone, I'm grateful God is using it to remold me. I've since discovered how strongly I followed after my flesh, ignoring the things of God ignorantly. I've learned what it looks like and feels like to die to self, to put my desires aside to please God as a wife, and to please my husband in maintaining our home (because he's VERY clean, and I'm a disorganized tornado ;).
I'm also grateful for my church. A church that is doctrinally sound (in teachings), that follows the Bible no matter the consequences,  helps correct and guide and serve each other because God loved us first, and so we love one another. Not the selfish love that seeks to please itself, no. The kind of love that will give up half a paycheck to pay for your friend's college tuition. The kind of love that will be up in the middle of the night with a friend going through marital problems. The kind of love that will give anything for the benefit of what we call "church family" because God has made us new, and that means giving it all we've got.

Abiding and praising

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord;
 my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise!  (Psalm 84:1-4 ESV)

I remember speaking in prayer class about how I saw myself and God working in my life, I was paired with this Psalm... The first four verses really spoke to me today;
As much as I've experienced of God in my life, and abiding in Him, dwelling in His presence is the most significant, meaningful, growing, amazing thing I've ever been privileged with. I wouldn't change the faith He's given me for the world.
But my soul also yearns, my flesh cries out. Not only from my own suffering, temptations and trials, but with a groaning alongside creation in anticipation of Gods coming kingdom, and my duty to aid that coming.
Verse 3 speaks particularly to my heart; even the sparrow has found a home. My life feels somewhat like that of a nomad, being place to place and not always feeling like I belong anywhere.. But if God is gracious enough to provide a home for her, however more so will God prepare a place for me! (Not that i really belong anywhere but with God, He still may use me to serve him in this earth). But A place close to him is blessed, as are those who dwell in His house; who abide in His presence... We are ever praising you Father.

Heart-throb Holiday.. Christ-in Christmas

It's been a long while since I posted anything here, and not for lack of thought or something to say, but for feeling inadequate in anything I could try to say. For we all fall short of the glory of God, but I'm so grateful for His grace.
He's worked in and through me in greater ways than I could imagine, teaching me, breaking me, remolding me. Through school, through friends, though travels and through struggles.

What do you struggle with?
How Do you see God?
How do you see yourself?

Having a right view of self and a right view of God are very important... and life shouldn't be focused on ourselves or our struggles.. but on Jesus. On God. On His Holy Spirit.
To be sanctified, transformed, renewed and revitalized into Christ's new creation so much that your world, the people in your life, see the difference in your heart, through your actions and attitude...
I'm sure many people have heard these things before... But as we're in full swing of the Christmas season, isn't it import to check ourselves? Definitely.

so to check myself... I'm a sinner. regardless of what I do, I NEED God's grace, and I can't do anything to forsake it or earn it; I just have to accept it with a humble repentant heart. sometimes that's hard to do...
I spent a week visiting in southern Alberta, and it was great; I got so see some great friends, make closer connections and try to let God's love shine through my words and actions. But I know I didn't make as much time for God as I should have.
Plus Christmas is a big time for family, and with me... sometimes it's very bittersweet.
My family doesn't reminisce or accept the glorious story of the birth of Jesus or the incredibly beautiful things God's placed before their very eyes. But my family is so beautiful, each of them uniquely created and wonderful.. and insanely crazy, in their own way. How could I not love them, regardless of the burden in my heart.
so my challenge for this week, this month, life, is to love people regardless of how hard it can be... because God chooses not to see the muddy marred awful versions of people, but His beautiful creation, a person who has potential to be an incredibly beautiful creation in Christ... they just need to be loved into the right spot for God to work in and soften their hearts.
Merry Christmas ya big softie.

Where to God..?

Where to God?
I'm here, I'm willing to do anything.
To be closer to you, to serve you.
You are my rock,
the only thing I can turn to.
when I feel like this,
When I don't understand.
When things feel good, and I'm glad.
Your grace I accept,
and I'm so grateful,
that I don't have to do anything
but accept it.
That your grace is unconditional,
no matter how I'm feeling.

Lord I want to serve you,
But I still have trouble knowing where to go
so I try to turn to you.
But today Father, I feel lonely.
I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things,
I want to learn how to fully love you before I'm ready,
To love someone else.
Oh but I do love people.
The people you made.
I love the difficult people, and the wonderful people.
Everyone I come across Father,
I just want to love and be loved.
Not in a physical sense, but just to feel
the warmth of a friends love.
To have your Joy once again build inside my heart.
Thank you Father, for your blessings.
As I grow and walk with you,
each day is yours.
Thank you Abba.
And keep me in your arms.

Journey to the Kingdom

First, I can't take credit for these beautiful words, but they are very thought provoking, and from someone I admire and look up to as a growing woman of God..
by sarahgracewiatr
My journey this morning consisted of a 50km bike race with #rideforrefuge a ride against human trafficking. The fall scenery was astoundingly beautiful, a perfect day for a ride. I spent the race in prayer, with the Lord downloading a few of His thoughts into my heart and mind. What journey is your life on? Are you on a journey? Where does most of your effort, or time, or energy go every day? When we decide to answer the call Jesus gives, "Come, follow Me" we are on a very
specific journey. Here is a little bit about what that journey may look like... Grace.  Sarah.

How far will you go?

How hard will your soul chase?

How violently will your body fight the battle?

How late will your prayers echo into the night?

How high will you reach and climb?

How low will your heart sink into the dirt to crawl?

How much of yourself will you give?

How many times will you allow yourself to fall?

When I say, "Come. Follow Me," it's essentially all of those questions that I am asking you. How far will you go to follow after Me? How hard will your soul chase after Me?

I don't need your sacrifice. I don't need your effort. I don't need your money. I don't even need your talents, your personality, or your creativity.

I am God.

I need your heart. It is Me that takes care of the rest.

I have a master plan. I have a Kingdom that is not of this world. I want you to be its workers. I want you to be its servants. I want you to be its harvesters. I want you to be a part of it, to be there with Me.

But, I don't need anything from you, in fact, I will take everything away from you so that you can be there with Me. I will take away the things that don't belong in My kingdom. I will take it all away. Is that okay with you?

It comes down to your desire. How much do you want to My Kingdom, instead of yours?

Come. Follow Me. I love you deep, with an intimacy that you can't imagine.

I went ALL the way.

I chase after YOU.

I fought for YOU.

I have prayed for YOU.

I have climbed, I have crawled.

I gave it ALL.

I took the fall.

This is the way to My kingdom. I am there now, sitting at the right hand of the Father. This is the journey that I am on. Are you coming? Follow Me, follow Me all the way to My Kingdom. Until you get there, think of Me, fix your heart's desire on Me and my Kingdom, give all you have. Then, it will all be worth it. I am God. You are my sons and daughters. See you finish your journey at the Wedding Supper of the Lamb. I can't wait until you get to meet me face to face.

And the greatest of these is Love

Oh how the Father loves.. so much that He's willing to forgive countless times if it means winning us over. My heart feels sometimes, that it's on the verge of explosion. On part because of my internal struggles, and because I feel His furious love and glory working in the world and in my heart. My life is so insignificant, yet God looks upon me and guides me. My mind replays the lyrics of How He Loves, and a particular version sung by a friend of mine. His love is as furious and strong as a hurricane, and I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. His wind being those tests he lets into my life, to help me grow and refine me; to strengthen me. And without His mercy I would fail, and fall into darkness.
Prayer class emphasized a verse on the need for workers for God's Kingdom, "He said to His disciples, 'the harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask Him to send more workers into his fields." Matt 9:37-38
In my mind, the fields are the world and there will be a final harvest, when Christ comes back. But the emphasis that the workers are few often led me to think, to wish, that more people could be saved for Christ. Now that is a wonderful desire, but that's not exactly what this verse is telling us to ask of our Lord... We need more workers to send into the field, but there are many people who proclaim to be Christian, but are not living to their full potential to serve God... Being a Christian isn't just about following the commandments and things in our world, but being sensitive to the Holy Spirit and what God is doing in the world. He invites us to be a part of HIS work, not for Him to be included in our small little world. We need a revival in our lives to leave the selfish part of us behind, take up our cross and follow God where He directs. Following Him opens so many doors, so much joy. There is pain and suffering... but life will always have that. So we endure to the end, keeping our eyes on Christ. Looking to produce good fruit in our lives to we can be a good witness to those around us... So they can see Christ before they see the kind of person I am.
I want to serve God, and I know although I feel broken, severely inadequate, and sad on many days, He is bigger than my problems and at the end of the day I want to thank Him for all my blessings because over all my life, all my memories and experiences, at the end of the day, I've still only done my duty (Luke 17:10).
What does it mean to take u our cross and follow Jesus, to be a worker in His field for His kingdom?
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." Rom 12:2
We need to realize not only our duty, which is an amazing privilege, but also our worth in God's eyes, "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." Eph 2:10  But not to be discouraged when things don't seem to work out our way because.. "God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work form beginning to end." Eccl 3:11.
We can be encouraged though that God is always at work around us, and have joy in the gifts He's given us to help in completion of the good works He has for us. We can be encouraged by His love, and so share His love with those around us. "But don't just pretend to love others, really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically." Rom 12:9-11 now the rest of the chapter is fantastic too, but just emphasis here. Because Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) and allows us to have Joy in almost any circumstance. Love is one of the fruits we need to produce as a follower of Christ, as well as patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
I pray we can all search to have a deepening relationship with Abba, our Father who wants us to grow into His beautiful creation, and keeping our eyes heaven-bound is the best, most rewarding way to do it.

Full of Joy?

I was in English class a couple days ago and was given a printed blog post by another lady, Kathy Howard on God's Anti-Anxiety Prescription where she proceeds to give us some verses from Philippians 4:4-9.
"4Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again -rejoice! 5Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. 7Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
       I feel this is sometimes hard to do, to have joy all the time, especially when our circumstances seem to warrant a little worry or we're left feeling sad... Something I'm learning now; I think having Joy in the Lord is not always reflected on how we feel. We can feel terrible and still rejoice in the Lord (though happiness can still work in tandem with joy for the Lord), but it is that gratitude in rejoicing; to recognize all of the undeserved blessings and still be able to come to God as His child, servant and friend.
I was in a significantly down mood going to church the other day; I just wanted to be invisible. Though throughout the service, I feel God spoke through the sermon and the worship music to help me see things from a different perspective. I went from being cranky, to feeling grateful and humble for what I've been given. Also, there are a few people there who always manage to bring a smile out of me regardless of what I'm feeling. I'm grateful for that too.. ;)

When Paul says in verse 6, to pray instead of worrying, can also feel pretty difficult. When I care a lot about something or someone and what their going through, I know God listens when I talk to him, But I also know that He doesn't always have to answer my prayers in the way I hope... "Yet God has made everything beautiful [or amazing, joyful, lovely...] for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:9. We will experience God's peace for trusting in him; again, not to say we necessarily feel calm, but that we know our Father in Heaven already has a plan for what's going on... that following Him will leave our hearts and minds full of the truth and His reassurance.